Let me introduce myself. I am a very happily married woman with two beautiful very teenagery teenagers and am currently what I like to refer to as a ‘homemaker’. A cereal dieter (any diet you could possibly think of!), I have struggled with my weight all my life. I remember being put on diets as a youngster - but I’m not going to bore you to tears with the soap opera that was my childhood. I am going to begin in 2012. This was the year when after many visits to the doctors I was told that all my ailments were due to being overweight.

So I sorted it out. I ate healthily most of the time and I joined the gym and went religiously. I went from 13.5 stone to somewhere between 11.7 and 12 stone depending on the day. I still had a couple of stone to lose on a bad day, but I was happy in my skin and I felt good about myself as I was nicely toned and had loads of lovely endorphins rushing around my brain thanks to all the exercise - so those last couple of stone didn’t bother me at all.

In July of 2014 at the tender age of 37 I found out that I had a massive cancerous tumour growing on my kidney (errrr, yes, those ailments weren’t down to my being a hypochondriac at all but lets not get into that - I have a tendency to rant when I go there), so in September of the same year I had a radical nephrectomy, and my surgeon warned me that due to the size of the tumour which had been squashing my stomach and a combination of something to do with cortisol and adrenalin (connected of course to the removal of the kidney and adrenal gland - I really don’t understand how it all works) I would more than likely pick up a couple of stone within a year.

So, with that fabulous news, I spent the year following surgery trying numerous diets - you name it, if I hadn’t done it in the last year I would have done it prior to 2012!! Now by trying the diets, what I mean is hearing about someone losing a lot of weight, finding out how they did it - starting the diet in the morning and then shoving anything I can lay my hands on that doesn’t relate to said diet into my face at an alarming rate come lunch time.

You will be surprised to hear that I have not lost any weight this way. Combine this with not going to the gym (along with healing, I have moved further away from any gym and really had a lot on….excuses, excuses amiright!?), and I have picked up a grand total of (cue fanfare) 2 STONE!! I have inadvertently caused exactly what I have tried to avoid! At the risk of sounding like a terrible cliche…I cannot wait for the new me to emerge in the new year - here I go on a journey. I cannot be fat AND 40!! No more ‘dieting’. That doesn’t work for me. Just eating right and exercising. That’s what I will be doing.

Post 6

(take 37)…

Can it really be two months since last I posted? Yes, I suppose it can. I have started this over at least thirty seven times. Let me catch you up on recent events.

So I had a painter in. Her eleven days tops turned straight into a month and I found myself hanging around the house as I don’t really like the thought of people I don't know in the house. Born and raised in South Africa you see. So that was a month of being pretty sloth-like and comfort/bordem eating. Whilethis was happening though my beautiful kitchen was finally able to use, which was marvellous and very calorific. I have made some really fantastic meals - you know the kind where it adds pounds before you've even collected the ingredients together and you can actually see yourself increasing in size as you eat… uh huh you know what I mean.

After that first month had passed I finally got my A back into G and started frequenting the gym again. Two weeks later I pulled on a pair of leggings and they were tight, but not ‘hold all the wobble in but not so bad you can see your pants through them’ tight (I prefer the latter just so you know). My immediate thought was that ‘Shit!’ (excuse the language this is what went through my head though - there is no filter in there), ‘I must have accidentally tumble dried these and stretched them.  Next day I put some workout leggings on, compression ones (also because these hold the wobble better than generic ones) and realised they weren’t compressing as they usually do.  I thought,‘Goddamn it I must have had these in the tumble drier too! What is wrong with me!’. Day after that put my favourite ‘jeggings’ on. SAME THING!! It wasn't until first my husband, and then my friend said something about me looking ‘narrower’ that it finally dawned on me.

EUREKA! What this has taught me is the same as I keep telling myself - the same thing that I know but somehow struggle to comprehend properly in my mind. The more I obsess and worry about it, the less chance I have of succeeding. When I am not thinking about it, when I am eating whatever I want to eat without limits - I naturally limit myself without thinking. I haven’t banned anything, I haven’t even been thinking about what I put into my mouth (from a calorie point of view) - I HAVE been enjoying my food. Now I did weigh myself - only 3lb down from my last weigh in but wait!! I need to measure. Now while I know that I am physically smaller - I just need a day or two before I measure. I don’t want to be disappointed. So I will catch you up soon okay? I won’t leave it that long again.

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